"why?"
"All those skinny ass girls getting fucked, eh, yuck, makes me feel yucky about myself"
Meh, he argued with me. Said I'm pretty, said loads of people would be attracted to me.
Porn. Blegh.
I'm rather happy sitting here, drinking slowly, listening to my tunes, chillin and being drunk. Porn. It's overrated.
SATURDAY MORNING CLARITY EDIT:
I was going to make this a comment, but, I figured it was more necessary to post here.
See, I must come off like I'm totally anti porn. I'm really not, I swear. We have tons of movies, ones that I picked out even, ones with lush, natural, fuller figured girls, etc. But, it has a time and a place, like anything, and in the right setting, I greatly enjoy it. My own batch of stuff that turns me on, etc. He's making me hate it, though.
I'm just...tired of it, first waking up every morning to a pornographic playlist, then having it pushed on me all the time, at weird moments.
That was my first night drinking, in over a month and a half, so I was taking it easy. As soon as I got a little tipsy, he started pestering me to watch a 'movie'. I was annoyed, because it was early, and I really was having a fine time just relaxing. Then, he got pissy, because I shot down his idea, and he sulked, tarnishing my idyllic little drinking hazy happiness.
I was almost more pissy because he kept trying to make me turn off my music, and stop chatting to put on some stupid porn clips, (none of the ones he downloaded are even remotely a turn on, to me, unfortunately). I told him no, and he turned into a petulant kid.
The more he whined, the more he sulked (and my god, he was at it for two hours, when I finally snapped, and posted this blog entry) I was like, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BIG FUCKING DEAL!? Why does it always gotta be porn? Why can't we just fucking chill?" Again, I felt, afterwhile like it's some kind of crutch, for him.
I do anything in my power to make sure all his fantasies are fulfilled, I go above and beyond the call of wifely duty, believe me. Not only is he 'getting it' he pretty much gets it any way he wants it, any time. I'm a crazy, kinky, sexual person, here, not some frigid naive little girl. There's not much I won't try. But, his obsession with it does make me feel unnattractive. I'm sure I'm fine, but (especially when I'm tipsy) my self esteem gets rather fragile.
So, mainly my gripe is, why the porn? Really, what's the big fucking deal, all the time? This isn't just a once a month thing, like where he wants to throw in a movie, and I'm like "no". Why so goddamned pushy about it? This is almost a constant thing, and I'm just tired of it. I've asked him point blank, when we were sober, why, all the time, and he just shrugs.
I was in the mood to have sex, last night. Early on, I was downright horny, but after all that, I lost it. I went to sleep, last night moody, annoyed, and unfulfilled.
[Listening to: I Remember You (live) - Sebastian Bach - (5:59)]
1 comment:
I feel your pain. Honestly I do. In my first sexual relationship, the guy was obsessed with porn. I mean, obsessed. I went through a lot of what you're feeling, like, this could be fun. But by the time I went through months of the same shit, it wasnt fun.
Now, porn is a total turn off. I just, dont enjoy it.
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