The Month of May

In May, some things usually happen. Mother's Day, my birthday, my dad comes to visit a lot (from Guam, so it's a big deal), and I go into this horrendously depressive funk.

I feel the funk edging in. No energy, a little weepier than usual. I know why, I plan on writing about it, but I still can't keep it from happening.

Mother's Day is funny. Normally it coincides with my dad visiting, so it's awkward. (My mom and dad HATE each other) Generally, though, my mom is understanding about it, and I take her out before my dad comes for a visit, and everything is fine. On the actual day, we go to my dad's folks' house and celebrate with with his stepmom*shudder*. My dad's parents are a trip.

No dad this year, not in May at least. So, who knows what we're gonna do. I used to rack my brains thinking about what to get my mom, heh. Now, I realize that she doesn't need any more crap, so as long as I'm thinking of her, it's all good. I stick to consumables, taking her out to dinner, flowers, before she was diabetic, I'd get her this extravagant cheesecake from Normandy bakery. I just am expecting to get a ration of shit this year, I don't know why, but I feel it in my bones.

As for me? Generally I get flowers. Since my birthday is close, I get the old "birthday and Mother's day" tied together gift. I'm not a material girl, I have very simple wants, but the fact that absolutely NO thought goes into either of those gifts, is a little offputting. What I mean is, when I want something (this year it's an iPod) I'll put the word out early. Saying something like "I really want an iPod, but instead of splurging, I'll wait for my birthday, how's that sound?" And the mister is generally agreeable. Then he goes out and buys whatever. Last year it was a digital camera. It's never something just for me, it's always something for everyone.

The point I'm making is he never has to give it any thought. This year, he doesn't even have to get it, hah, he's letting me use his credit card, to order it. He never makes plans for anything either. I never really get suprised. I dunno, I guess it's no big deal, but just once, I'd like to be whisked away on a fun little weekend trip, or be suprised with something totally off the wall. The bottom line of my gripe is the thought. I wish he'd put some more thought into doing nice things for me, with me, whatever. Plan ahead a bit, suprise me. All that. I'm expecting none of that, so, I'm a bit dissapointed.

Mixed feelings about my dad not visiting. We see each other so seldom, and we're pretty close, so any chance I get to see the guy is wondeful. But, in a way, it's a relief, what with all the shit going down with the house. Having him stay with us would be a serious burden, both financially and time-wise. We do the tourist thing, and go bunches of places when he's here, and go out to eat every night, all that. It gets pricy, and we're just shit broke, heh. Not that I'm complaining, because I love my daddy, and I really look forward to seeing him. I'm actually bummed that he's not coming. Bummed and slightly relieved.

So, it's almost May, and I'm getting a little depressed, I feel dissapointment setting in, and I'm jittery with anticipation, all at once.