Self Absorbed

She called me about 8 times yesterday. I saw her in the morning, when we dropped the kids off at school. I stood there for 15 minutes while she regaled me with her woes, her stresses, how busy she is, how she really needs my help to get these dishes together for this party.

She called me at 11 a.m. grilling me about this and that, and confiding that she's afraid she can't see her "love" this afternoon, between tanning, and cooking for the party, there's just not enough hours in the day. (read: her "love" isn't her husband, but we knew that already).

She called me at 3 on the dot, just as I was picking my son up from school, and discussing with his teacher how much fun they had on the class trip. She interrupted me. I joked to the mister later, that the only reason I picked up the phone, was because I thought she'd realized that today was my birthday, and she'd be terribly embarassed, for not having mentioned it. No. She answers with this

"Ok, I have a stuuuuupid question" (since when aren't they?) "Stop and Shop doesn't have those little eggplants you were talking about, what do I do!?"

   "---I can't---ear---y---bre--ing--up-call----*fake static*--later *click*"

It was hysterical. My husband thought it odd, as I normally get perfect reception, in the schoolyard...


She calls at 6. "Did you get those trays I wanted?"
   Me, slightly bemused, "Nope."
"BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO YOUR MOM'S HOUSE TODAY!? DID YOU FORGET TO GET MY TRAYS?!?!"
   "No, I didn't forget"
*strained silence* *muffled exasperated sighs* "When are you going to get them?! We need them for Sunday, you know!"
   "Eeeyup. I know. Listen. I'm eating dinner. My cake's about to come, I gotta go"

The cake thing, that was a clue. It was futile. I didn't have cake.


10:00 p.m. She calls me. I'm already half sloshed.

"How do I slice the bell peppers, for the grilled vegetables?!"
   "With a knife"
"LIIISA c'MON! What the FUCK?"
   "Carefully, with a knife, don't cut your fingers. I'm drunk, goodbye."


Now, I don't ask for much. I'm content with checking my personality at the door, when I see her, most of the time. It's all about her. Sure. I'm fine with slaving over food that "she" cooks, and brings to various functions (yes, I do it all the time), only to have her take full credit. Whatever, a favor is a favor, I'm not after loads of attention for my cooking. I'm even fine with being bossed around sometimes.

But, forget to say a simple thing like "Happy Birthday" when you see me, on the morning of my birthday? Call me up, to interrupt an otherwise glorious day (and really it was, seriously the best birthday I've had in 3-4 years) and yell at me? She went from being one of those "distancy, small doses, I tolerate her because she's my neighbor" type of friends, right to "shit list".