One more update, and that's it

I'm not going to keep revisiting this, but (especially because Tito mentioned it, commenting) this is where we're at now, regarding the incident last week:

Thursday afternoon, the head law enforcement officer for the Monmouth County SPCA called me. He told me that the boxer was seized, and turned over to the Humane Society, for quarrantine, and would be euthanized in 5 days. That was yesterday, I guess. He knew Pixie personally, because he handles all the cruelty cases, and she came to the SPCA 6 years ago, from a cruelty incident. He was very nice to talk to, and I felt much better.

He questioned me about the nature of the situation over there, if the owner had malicious intent, what sort of environment the boxer was kept in, etc. Because the dog had a history of attacking (my husband, my other dog, and now this, not to mention the dozens of times it lunged for one of us, and barely escaped getting whomped with a bat, or shovel, or whatever) it was considered dangerous, already. They're facing crazy fines, for neglect, letting a vicious dog roam free, etc etc. When I explained that we learned the owner of the dog is a 16 year old kid, and when we confronted him later that day, he was all smug and laughed about it, the officer tacked "malicious intent" to the laundry list, and his charges are leaning toward criminal. Because he laughed. At his dog killing mine. Well, laugh it up, kid, yours is too. Only, his dog got euthanized, peacefully. Bah, I'm not gonna go through this again, it still kills me. Either way, the officer revisited the house, looking for more violations.

The other thing that came of that phone call (we were seriously on the phone for an hour)...he told me about my rights to compensation. Like Tito said, we are entitled to something. Now, at first, I thought "no way, we're not the suing type. Putting a monetary value on her life almost cheapens the whole thing" But, the more he spoke, and told me how firm this case is, and how so badly our rights were violated, the more I got to thinking. If this is open and shut, this kid can go on with his life and forget, the family can pretend it never happened. If I make it a point, to make them go to court, and pay fines, fees, and now compensation, it will be in their faces every day. Let them live through so much bullshit. Let them deal with this, what they caused. I have this victim anger thing going on. I want to wave her picture in their faces. I want to scream, " She was sunning! She was old, and arthritic! She had half of her teeth left! She probably couldn't get up fast enough to run away!!"

I'm digressing. I want them to pay. Not me, though. I would feel just, filthy, if I profitted from this situation in any way. I'm going to split whatever we get in half. Half goes into a trust fund for Alden, since he's entitled to it. He loved Pixie, he saw the whole thing happen. The other half, I'm going to donate directly to the Monmouth County SPCA. I love those people, they're all so good. They've blessed us with Pixie, and were there for me at the end. They've spayed/neutered so many of my animals, for cheap. Just, good people, and I want to help them. Pixie would probably approve.

I've been mulling it over, and I've decided to call a lawyer tomorrow.


My feelings: I'm coping with two things, right now. The scene keeps repeating in my head. I just drift to it. It's getting better now, less frequent, and I can push it away faster. It's still there. The other thing, is just this hollowness. There is a real sense of emptiness. Something I loved dearly isn't here to love anymore. I have Pookie, and all of us are positively lavishing her with attention (we used to, anyway, but now even moreso) but she's polar opposite of Pixie. Plus, we're a two dog house. It's hard to say "hey, I'm taking the dogs, uh, dog...for a walk" It's painful.

Alden is coping in his own weird way. He keeps asking questions about the event, and rehashing it. I know it's good to vent, but, we had to put a stop to it. He's starting to use it as a crutch, and as a point of casual conversation. Not acceptable. He's better now, that we've talked a lot about grieving, and how it's not like telling someone about your trip to the zoo. He's learned that it's a very sensitive subject, to be approached with care. He misses her, I can tell. Sometimes I think he "goes through the motions" because he thinks it's the proper way to be. This time, he's really grieving. He visits her little mound, daily, when he thinks we're not watching, and leans down and talks to her. He pats the dirt. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.

We can all still laugh, and carry on with life normally. We're all doing just fine, working, talking, doing the routine thing. We barely talk about it. There's no reason to, really. We're considering adopting another dog. Not to replace her, but because we need that two-dog routine, Pookie's lonely, and I need something to nurture. I've totally engrossed myself into the whole tarantula hobby thing, it's given me tons of diversion, something worthwhile to obsess over, to keep my mind off of darker things.

This weekend was actually good. Saturday was shaky, I was having major problems with three old friends, involving my plumber. I was ready to sever ties with three wonderful people, that I've been great friends with since I was 16. That, on top of everything, and I was a basket case, Saturday. I had that "can I handle this? will I crack? if it gets any worse, will I be able to take it?" feeling. Very overwhelmed.

Sunday helped exponentially, we visited Aunt Lynne, my favorite aunt in the universe. We're not really related, even, but, she's probably still one of my favorite people, ever. She's a fellow dog person, and a great source of comfort and understanding. Driving all the way down there, and spending the day with her, and her mother and brother was an excellent break from routine. We left last night feeling relaxed, and good.

Today was Alden's birthday. We packed up and went up to Space Farms, in Sussex Cty. Long ride, but, again, like a small vacation. Spent the day checking out history, feeding animals, lounging in the shade, meandering around. Great day, just perfect.

It feels good to smile again.