Blogging Moments To Live For

Background for this entry:

First, you need to go read this: Day in the Life It's Ally's most recent entry. In it, she pays me the best compliment, I could ever get. Seriously.

I explained it a little, in her comment, but that threatened to turn into a whole huge thing, so I brought it here to expound on. That's what these things are for, right? Expounding. So, read that for background, and then continue on here, to see why.

First of all, I make it my business to be well read and informed on anything I undertake, or care enough to form an opinion about. I don't make decisions lightly, and (oh hello narcisissm) I try to be correct, in everything I do. Call it one of my weird quirks, but I don't argue with anyone unless I know I'm right. Add that to what I'm doing with my life right now, being a 25-26 year old little girl, acting as a general contractor, and you can see where my problems start. Every single day of my life, since I undertook this effort, has been an uphill battle, of arguing, bigotry (yes, I used that term, and I mean it's because of the way men feel about having a woman call the shots, in a field like contracting), and a lot of "Not Taking Lisa Serious" which is the fastest way to piss me off, EVER.

I'm running things the best way I know how, and I'm making good, thoroughly thought out decisions, regarding this house and family, but I'm seriously underappreciated. I mean, listen, I don't bitch about underappreciation for no reason. I know what it's like to be a housewife, and I've had that level of underappreciation. That is NOTHING to me, now. This trancends that, to the nth level.

Every single thing I propose is an uphill battle, with the mister, for starters. I'll say something miniscule, like "what do you think about this kind of rug, for the living room" and he'll argue and froth, and carry on for days. Even though he knows NOTHING about rugs, or colors, or anything, and has repeatedly said "oh, I let you handle that stuff, I don't have time to think about it" (lets not even get into what would happen if I didn't consult him on every little thing...I know I've mentioned his micromanagement, before). Till I drop it, and let him have his way. Then he comes back a week later, and says "you know, lets go take a look, at least, maybe that will be good." Every thing. Paint colors, flooring choices, who to have come do this, and that. Sometimes, he'll "win" (like with his buddy, Joe, the contractor "we go way back, he'll take good care of us") and you see where that gets us. Sometimes we come to a stalemate, and then he comes back after some amount of time, to concede that I was right, and we could try it that way. So far, (hello narcisissm) 99% of the things I have done, or ideas I've had, or whatever, have been beneficial for us. Call it a knack, but I won't even bring things up unless they've been thoroughly researched.

What I'm getting at, though, is every single day of my life, since I agreed to all this, from the day the house burned (I agreed in gradients, see. First it was "sure I'll help you clean the place out, and try to get situated elsewhere" then it was "yes, I'll handle the paperwork, the lawyers, and all the mortgage dealings" then "sure, I'll be responsible for everything operating smoothly, with the rehab of his house.") there has been arguements, people not taking me serious, going over my head, behind my back, generally rolling me over the hurdles and fucking me over. Including, and a majority of it has been my husband. He goes off half cocked, believing everything that everyone tells him, and makes rash ridiculous decisions, that wind up hurting us, bigtime. He never gets anything in writing, EVER (he didn't even have books for his business, till I came around)...I digress... Half of my life, since I've been with him, has been spent putting out his fires. Moreso, now, of course, with the house. When it is all said and done, I am going to make a Fuck You Very Much, list, and I will name names, I swear. It'll be theraputic.

So. I consider myself to have some wisdom. A lot of experience, and a burning hard core drive to do things right.

Ally, you of all people, you a near-stranger, relatively speaking, noticed. You're the first person, ever, to compliment me on something that I take to heart.

For that, I thank you.

[Listening to: Dumptruck - Blind Melon - (3:40)]