Looking forward.

It feels so good, to sit in a clean, quiet, darkened house. It's the close of a bustling weekend, and my to-do list got done! Now, how often can I say that? House, cleaned, food shopped for, lists made, decisions decided on, packages packed, and loaded into the car for mailing.

My dad's coming to visit, Thursday, he's staying for Thanksgiving. We spent the whole weekend cleaning, and making ready. For his visit, to a degree, but for the holidays, too. There's nothing like starting the official Holiday Season, with a clean house, a full pantry, and a buncha to-do lists. I love having my shit together, menus, gifts, schedules, it really takes any potential stress out of the next month or so.

I seem to blog a lot about my dad visiting, but it's always a flurry of activity, and sort of a bittersweet thing. Bitter because I only see him twice a year, if that, and we're close. Bitter, because he's getting older, and he's starting act it. Bitter, because I desperately want him to move back to the States, so we can go on road trips, to visit them, and so I can take care of him. Sweet, for a million reasons, and for all the obvious reasons, he's my dad, he's wise, funny, he and I have all these odd quirks in common. I really want him to move back here, and be present in Alden's life. Every time he's here, he makes a huge impact on the kid, and I think Alden could use more of his wisdom and guidance in his life. God knows my dad got me flying straight, when I was in my teens.

It feels good, though, to have everything done already. I planned ahead this time, every meal, and any restaurant we may visit. My dad is prone to gout, and last time he was here, he had a flare up. This time I read up on it, and smartened up. I stocked up on all healthy foods, no pork or cured meats on the menu for the next week or so. We laid in a good supply of dried cherries and cherry juice, for preventative measures, too. Last time he was here, he was couch-ridden half the time, and it was kind of a bummer. I had bronchitis, so we were on the same sorry ass, convalescent page, pretty much. It was quality time, but not something I'd like to go through again.

My brother is going to be here for Thanksgiving too, which is pretty exciting. I love my little bro, we're about as close as siblings can be, despite the fact that we were rasied seperately. He just graduated Coast Guard boot camp, then A School, both with high honors, and got his first choice, for his tour. He's in San Juan, right now, and loving it. I'm bursting with pride, I literally can't stop beaming about him. He was always kind of a lump, growing up, watched too much TV, no real motivation, did 2 years of college without declaring a major, total island boy surfer duude (which was fine, I guess, if he was happy). Then, he went into the Coast Guard...whoa. It really changed his whole state of being, for the better. He stands straighter, talks smarter, just...I can't even explain it, but it's amazing. I feel like one of those Army recruiting commercials, but I understand them now. It really makes me happy when my friends and family find their path, and he did-and how.

The one thing that's going to be a hardship this Thanksgiving is spending time (or not) with my mother. Now, for the past 4 years, this is how it goes: They go to Atlantic City for Thanksgiving, and do the gambling/buffet thing. I cook at home for us, and a few close friends. My mother and stepdad always "get home early" and shows up roughly 20 minutes before dinner is on the table, and we have to set two extra places. It's nice. I cook, we get to spend a holiday together, without spending the whole long day together, and I get to eat good food.

THIS year, however, my dad will be around. They can barely stand to see each other in passing, and even that is not without it's digs, dirty looks, and general ugliness. I assumed that my mom would be making plans with my stepsiblings, and spending Thanksgiving with that side of the family...she informed me yesterday that she's not doing that, and just doesn't know where to go. Already, I feel bad. She doesn't cook, she kinda can't even cook like that anymore, what with the bypass and all. She's being totally gracious and understanding, and is looking forward to having a nice dinner with us on the weekend, after Dad leaves. Still, it's the day and all. To make matters worse, we made plans with my Aunt Lynne, who is a close friend of my mom's, and we sorta discluded them from the dinner. When I thought she had plans with my steps, it was fine. Now it's not fine. It's even a little depressing.

She should, by all rights, be there with us. My father cannot remain civil in her presence. Twenty five years...they've been divorced...and he still makes all these underhanded comments. My mother, up front, is a portrait of grace and charm. Later, she starts with the "wow, Bill gained a lot of wait, he looks so...old" comments. So, neither are without fault. Puts me in a weird place, even on normal visits, ones not involving holidays. My dad will stay for a week, my mom will stop by to drop off my son, or pick him up, or just to say hi, and I have to stand in the driveway to talk to her. She's understanding, though, she knows I see her every day.

PSA: Divorce is not any easier on adult children, if the parents in question still act like catty teenagers, in regards to each other.

Hopefully everything will work itself out smoothly. I'm counting on Aunt Lynne to smooth things over with my mother, in case she looks for an invite, and looking forward to the double-holidays, as it were. Looking forward to a lot of things!