Mindy, for you.

Well, for me too, since it's been forever. But, I thought you would like seeing your name up there.


Every time I come back here and post after forever, I justify it by "well, life is boring, nothing blogworthy, I'm a happy girl"

It shouldn't be like that, I don't think. I think it should be just a stream of consiousness thing, happy or upset, whatever. Just because I once used it as a sounding board and a place to work shit out, doesn't mean I still have to. I've just gotten extremely lazy about it. I'll fess up.

So, the past two days, Irv and I have been toiling away, unpacking, emptying boxes, cleaning out next door, and boxes in the shed. A few of them were just boxes of stuff my mom unceremoniously dumped out of my drawers, from my old room, as I was in the process of moving out. Nice of her to inform me of their existance 9 years after the fact...I thought she just threw all that shit out. But, it was definitely a trip, going through all those old boxes, of stuff from when I was around 16-19, and thinking about those times. Lots of positive stuff, lots of stuff that made me think about Guam, and Jill, a definite positive time. Lots of things though, pointed at a very angry, depressed Lisa. Nothing outright. I know where the real angry writings are, I kept them, kept them safe. But, in doodles, drawings, song lyrics, etc. Some things, without even meaning to, just vibrated with depression and angst.

Also, lots of the things I was unpacking were books. I've been setting up my library-space, in this little walk-in closet thing,in my room. It's very cool, Irv made shelves to line the walls, and we're filling it with pillows, and rugs. Very comfortable little personal space. It made me think of things, too. I'm still into the same things, I still have books from when I was 12-13, and I still READ them (granted...I was into Stephen King, and Forgotton Realms at that age...not like I read kiddy lit now...not that there's anything WRONG with kiddy lit...alright, shit, I do read it anyway...talking myself in circles...stopping now). But, the point is, I was placing books on these shelves that I've had for 15 years. Being surrounded by them, was like being surrounded by old friends. That's such a cliche, but it's so true.

All that walking into the past made me reflect on how far I've come, and what life is like, for me now. Honestly, I couldn't be happier. I feel...blessed... I feel CHARMED. I feel lucky, and happy. I have almost everything I could want. I'm 27, have this awesome kid, husband, some of the best friends anyone could ask for. (Maybe, I'll post on friends, later. I don't blog enough about friends.) I'm just gooshy about it.

I feel grown up, I feel like a mom. I'm accepted by my mom-peers, I do the playdate thing, I do the classroom thing. I can relate to people on that level. I used to feel totally alienated from the other mom-types, around the school...but any more, I'm like...one of them. Just when I think I'm all grown up...I manage to suprise myself. Still. Punch me in the eye if I ever start driving a Volvo, ok? But, I feel grown up, and I feel like I can hang with that crowd. I can trade chicken recipes, and commiserate about the second grade spelling tests, like anyone.

I can still also play Halo till my eyes bleed. I'm a little kid, at heart.

I've blogged about it before, I know, but this weekend,and past few weeks have brought me to a very firm realization about it. So much so, that I don't question "who I am" anymore. I just am. And, I am happy.