This afternoon, I visited a chatroom that I haven't been to in a year or more. I used to be a regular there, and just got bored with it, as I inevitably do with all online communities. Well, I followed a friend in there today, and it was akin to falling into a time wrinkle... Like I hadn't even missed a day. Same group of people, same conversations. It was just strange.

Brigid, the great mother goddess of Ireland,
represents fertility, childbirth, power,
creativity and inspiration. Also known as
Brighid, Brigit and Bride, she is credited as a
protectress and guardian of children; also a
Goddess of fire, the sun, music and medicine.

And I'm Brigid, too. I could have guessed at that one. I'm a classic mommy, even when I wasn't a mommy. Mommy is my natural role in any group of my friends. I cook for them, I offer motherly sense and wisdom, and my shoulders are soft and very absorbant.

I'm a dark, spicy, mother goddess. Yes I am.

YOU ARE BASIL


What herb are you?
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Hunh. I'm basil.

Today, it hasn't worn off. I'm less manic about it, but my mind is still bursting with books to read, and things I have to reteach myself. I'm heading out now, to look for a new blank book, and to the craft store to look for something to sculpt a new set of runestones out of. My old ones were discs of clay that I hand shaped, but I can't find them. I found one, lone rune. This has gotta be some kind of sign. The rune is Kaun, the torch. The rune of the craftsman, it stands for determination, ambition, inspiration...

It felt like cleaning house, but in my brain. I had my epiphany, today, maybe last night. Either way, it fully sank in, today sometime. All my old books. All my lessons, candles, insence, thoughts, feelings, ties to the Old Ways, everything had gone dusty and disused. Blame it on stress, blame it on imbalance, blame it on seeking too far, and leaving my truths behind. Hell, I have no idea. Whatever happened, I had somehow shucked off my spiritual wings, and let my personal power fall by the wayside. My books had gone dusty, and some missing. I even threw one or two away, I think (!!)

So, last night, I was looking for something to read, to numb my brain to sleep. I grabbed Scott Cunningham's Living Wicca off my shelf, and took it to bed with me, expecting to do the usual, read a few pages and pass out. I was up till 4 a.m. I finished 150 pages of it, before my body finally shut down. Even as I drifted off to sleep, with a prayer of thanks to the Goddess on my lips, I was mentally charged. My brain was zinging with energy, that I haven't felt in five years or more. Today, I ripped through the last 50 or so pages, soaking up every word like a thirsty flower, or a parched ground. That was when it hit me. The things missing from my life. The Goddess, The God, my sense of spiritual self, my Truths, my power, my Old Ways that I once doted upon and cherished.

They're back now. Tonight, I ransacked the house, in a frantic fervor to dig up my texts, my books, my comforting friends, my writings, my Book of Shadows, and my objects of power. Lucky for me, I discovered about 99% of them. I'm still out one book, and my old Book of Shadows is defiantly missing, but here I sit amidst about 20 books. That pleases me. I'm over my Book of Shadows. I have to make a new one. The old one will have lost it's oomph. It wasn't doing something, for me, else I wouldn't have slipped off like that.

I feel right again. I feel whole. I feel like a teenager. I really do feel like I did when I started on my Path. Filled with passion, and thirst, love, and wonderment. There is so much...I don't know...energy? For lack of a better word. It's spilling out! I had to channel it into writing! I haven't really written in 6 years or more. Inspired by a few friends, and this was something I had been meaning to do for months, I started a blog.

Here it is. The results of my epiphany. More to follow!